Every day I woke up more beautiful but today I exaggerated.
If you are interested in knowing me, then make coffee, drink vodka with an energy drink, sit down and enjoy reading and have fun.
A typical software developer, my blood type is C++ although I writing mainly in Java.
Unique. Surprised? Yes, it is possible that a complicated creature like me can be described using only one word. I came to this conclusion after many years of gathering information about me.
I have done a proper IQ test. My result is 106. It means I am painfully average male with one exception. I have a special talent. According to the result, I am a genius to combine Lego bricks together. Agreed. It is not a key skill that guarantees to achieve successes in everything in your life. However, it is always something!
HOW DO I LOOK?
My face looks like I was fed with stones, shot by slingshot. I have a face that can only be loved by a used truck tire. My face is a constant battlefield between ever-growing hair and an invasion of spots.
My hair is a bunch of brown hay organised by the wind and a hat. Every time, when I come to the hairdresser, I hear questions like: “Haircut or change of oil?”. My stomach is an infinitive source of energy. It could feed all homeless people in Africa for a month. I am 184 cm tall and wide.
My fashion style is the same as James’s May. He is a presenter on The Grand Tour and ex-presenter of Top Gear. He described his style as: “I have this amazing ability to make either expensive clothes or cheap clothes equally crap.“
I wear the clothes that are made by an unknown brand. You can buy them in the second-hand shop. My fashion skills guarantee a job as a scarecrow in some deserted field. Unfortunately, this area will become contaminated and inhabitable very quickly. This is due to my gift to sweat even during a snowstorm.
Let us commemorate this moment with a minute of silence. Well, OK. It’s not that bad. My personal successes are:
- The decision to move to Aberystwyth to study, learn English and grew up. I finished an undergraduate degree before I reach 70 years old. Nobody believed that this can happen. My uncle always said to me that.“I have an exceptional talent to resist to learn anything“. Everybody was surprised but I finished with the decent grade. I found a graduate job after finish degree in less than 1 month.
- I attended social dance classes for over 3 years. Yes, I know it is hard to believe, but people who weigh as much as a herd of elephants can also do this. I enjoyed even when my cha cha cha looks like tai chi and my hearing was as good as stone.
- I did Capoeira for 4 years.
- As a child, I won in a radio show for the most original compote (I put minerals from all planets in the solar system and …. my sister for fun added…. my hamster!).
- I won 120 pounds in the lotto.
- I won with the IT department in Tug of War with strong men from Call Centre and Warehouse.
- I run in Half marathon in 2012
- PLACE AT HOME: Floor, because it is the best shelf that can store everything.
- CITY: WROCŁAW (POLAND) Info on Wikipedia
- COLOUR: BLACK
- FOOD: CHEESECAKE and KNYSZA
- DRINK: KEFIR (Info on Wikipedia)
- COMICS STRIP: GARFIELD (Official website), PEARLS BEFORE SWINE (Official website)
- MOBILE: Siemens SL45i
- COMPUTER: Amiga CD32
- MOVIE: Last life in the universe (IMDB)
- TV SERIES:
- LIE TO ME
- Star Trek series (TOS, TNG, Ds9, VOY, ENT)
- Top Gear/ Grand Tour
- The Big Bang Theory
- GAME: UFO: Enemy Unknown and UFO: Terror from the deep.
- TALK/LECTURE/PODCAST: last lecture by Randy Pausch
My best and worst day of the week
I think the worst day is tomorrow because according to my schedule it always looks like most busy, stressful and action-packed day in my life. In another hand, my favourite day is Saturday. I woke up when I want. I do what I want. I go to sleep when I want and go to sleep with a smile because the next day is a day off too.
If the count of addiction was a most important element of CV, I will get the most job offer without any interview.
- Killing Pimples
As you can see, my list of addiction life is very poor. That is a shame because my list of addictions does not include fundamental things as smoking cigarettes and drugs or especially alcoholism. The last one is quite shocking for foreigners, who are very disappointed and usually say “You are Polish you don’t like vodka and you don’t like to get wasted. What is wrong with you?“.
A FEW WORDS ABOUT MUSIC ADDICTION…
These days teenagers prefer to be addicted to herbal or chemical drugs. My addiction is to listen to delightful tunes, because good music gives energy, power, catalyse my mood.
SPORTS THAT I HARDLY EVER ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE IN… BECAUSE I MOSTLY WATCH THEM.
Recently I like running from time to time, but only to the closest Chinese takeaway.
I never had extreme ADHD about doing an exercise. Capoeira and slow run are the only sports that I have ever participated in. I prefer active forms of relaxation like sitting in front of my computer. I like to watch e-sports. However sometimes when there is the power cut I feel bored. In this case, I create the tournament where I transfer dust and crumbs from one keyboard to another.
I enjoy watching cycling, ski jumping, snooker, wrestling, and MMA (because there is something going on, unlike in boring boxing).
I hate football because I just do not feel horny to see 22 sweaty boys running to touch the ball and feel spiritual ecstasy when he faked foul. For me, football is like sculpting in shit and put this into an enemy mouth.
DOM VS COOKING
The kitchen is my favourite place. It is a place where paradise is created for my stomach. At home, I was banned from cooking, so I never had a chance to develop my cooking skills. This is the consequence for prepare the first tea for my parent. What was wrong with tea? I added salt instead of the sugar. It supposed to be a joke.
My favourite food:
- Knysza with meat and cheese.
- Polish Cheesecake.
- Sichuan hot pot.
For health and safety reason I am unable to show pictures of my dishes. My dishes are more black than coal and I created more mess while I am cooking that hurricane.
On picture Dom’s special “The Forgotten Lasagne”.
My main problem is to follow recipes. They are usually starting from “Take a clean plate” which was a mission impossible during study times. Another problem is that recipes contain lots of unknown vocabularies which I don’t understand. Luckily, one of my friend who works in IT is the great chef as well, so he swaps with “cooking vocabulary” with “computer vocabulary” and make cooking possible for me.
COMMUNICATION WITH ME
Talking to me is like a conversation between Chinese guy and Frenchman in a language of a South African tribe. My speech resembles a book written in white font on white paper, and it doesn’t mean that what I say is empty (even though it is true) but it means that you cannot understand anything from it. Since I am considered to be a computer maniac, and often what I say is difficult to understand I decided to formulate a dictionary that you may find helpful when talking to me.
- I scan, not watch.
- I analyse information. not read.
- I zoom in, not gaze.
- I actualize data, not study.
- I copy, not rewrite.
- I minimize, not kneel.
- I download food, not eat it.
- I hibernate, not sleep.
- I activate antivirus, not take antibiotics.
- I transfer data, not write exams.
- I decode mp3, not listen to music.
- I zip the luggage, not pack my bags.
- I defragment my room, not clean it.
- I do not put on weight, I upgrade myself.
- I maximize, not stand up.
- I admire texture, not stare at babies.
- I refresh the screen, not clean my face.
- I use a graphics accelerator, not contact lenses.
- I install plugins, not master a new capoeira technique.
Many people ask me if I’m cold because I like wear a t-shirt only even in winter. Here is a comparison between me and the rest of the human population at different temperature scales.
+ 30° C
- Polish people sleep without covers.
- Americans wear sweaters.
- People living in Miami turn on their heaters.
- Dominik cools down using liquid nitrogen in a freezer.
- Americans are freezing.
- Italian cars won’t start.
- You can see your breath.
- Dominik is switching from freezer to fridge.
- Dominik’s beloved mobile phone (Siemens SX1) is turning off more often than usual (10 times a day)
- Water is freezing.
- Russians are going for a swim.
- Siemens mobile phones, which Dominik uses, cease to work.
- Dominik comes out of his fridge.
- Your cat wants to sleep in your bed.
- Politicians begin to talk about homeless people.
- German cars won’t start.
- We dream of going somewhere south.
- Dominik’s computer restarts non-stop.
- Russians put on undershirts.
- Your cat wants to sleep in your pyjamas.
- You need some extra cables for your car to start.
- Dominik wears golf.
- Politicians begin to do something about homeless people.
- Japanese cars won’t start.
- We can build an igloo from our breath.
- We want to go south.
- That’s Dominik’s food’s favourite temperature.
- It’s too cold to think (doesn’t refer to Dominik, he doesn’t think in any temperature)
- You need cables for the driver to work.
- Russians close the window in the bathroom.
- Polar bears go south.
- Tax officers put their hands in their own pockets.
- Dominik wears a coat.